This is the kind of thing that makes me mad
I confess, after I ran across this book today, I spent way too much time reading about it, including notes from this NY Daily News article about it.
Other people hate my kids. Not all other people, mind you. Just some of them.
The really ironic thing is that sometimes they have a good reason, and sometimes they don’t.
My daughter can be the most loving child in the world– sometimes. In increasingly common Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde moments, she can morph from the most docile, tenderhearted child into a demanding little tyrant. We have left a restaurant or a grocery store with red faces and profuse apologies more than once (probably more than 10 times).
She can get on people’s nerves. I’ve heard teachers at school call her a “Drama Queen.” I’ve seen my friend’s husband cringe at the thought of eating with us at Ta Molly’s one more time. I can understand that. Sometimes I prefer not to eat with her at a restaurant, as well. She makes up for it in cuddles and hugs, but you have to get past Mr. Hyde to find that about her.
No, what irritates me is that people like Adrianne Frost don’t know my kids. She would be irritated by the sight of our family, regardless of how they behave in public.
Since the birth of my third child, I’ve discovered a new trend. Some people view the decision to have children or to have more children as a morality issue.
I’m not talking about morality in the way you might think. The typical Biblical answer to this morality issue is to quote Psalm 147:4-5. I’ve known families with bumper stickers that say “Quiver-full” on their fifteen-passenger vans. On the far end of the spectrum is the Jim Bob Duggar family, happy to have the TLC film crew out to the house to film “16 children and moving in” (the sequel to “14 children and pregnant again!”).
No, I don’t mean that kind of morality. Quite the opposite. This kind of morality is repulsed by the Duggar clan. They can only think about how much energy, air and water all those kids are stealing from the planet.
It has seeped into mainstream thought, far beyond those people who think of themselves as environmentalists and worry about population control to conserve natural resources. It now permeates the ideology of the average American who sees a family of five and wonders why anyone would want to have all those kids.
It’s even affected some of my relationships. A friend asked me not too long ago if Phillip was an accident. Never mind that my own mother hasn’t asked me that, but as a matter of fact, no he wasn’t. She was incredulous that we would choose to have another child, especially since we already had a boy and a girl. Apparently, the only good reason to have more than 2 is to have the gender that you want. Who knew?
I recently read an excellent feature story written by one of my student workers. She was an only child, and she gives that credit for her creativity and self-reliance. Good for her, and good for her parents for fostering those qualities and raising a great kid!
I personally think that my children have opportunities to develop different, equally meaningful qualities because of the experiences they will share with each other. I’d like to think that if they had been raised the way my student worker was raised, they would have the potential to develop some of the same qualities she has.
My point is this: instead of picking at each other for choices we didn’t make, we should try to look past those biases to understand that each family is different. I think that the decision of how many children to have or even whether or not to have children is a very personal, private choice. I don’t understand all of the factors that weigh on other families, and they don’t understand all of the reasons that I chose to have three kids. God never gives us more than we can handle, and I think each family has to know what they can handle.
I will probably be a little more aware of how my children behave next time we go to a semi-nice restaurant or fly on an airplane. I’m sure I’ll look around for Adrianne Frost or others like her. But I’ll also think of this next time I see a mother of four in a restaurant and secretly admire her.
Filed under: Uncategorized on December 21st, 2006
Nice post! I have great respect for people that can handle more than I can…I know how hard being a mom of 2 is.
I get the whole being annoyed by bad-tempered kids but think of all the great moments that lady is missing out on by closing herself off completely from children…too sad.
Hi,
I Hate OTher People’s Kids is a humor book, not a manifesto. It is tongue in cheek.
I am sorry that you were offended; certainly not all books are to all people’s tastes. Different people laugh at different things and take certain types of humor different ways.
For the record, I love children. I am also a comedian and a writer and sometimes take an angle that will be disliked by some.
It just so happens that this topic is sensitive. Not a whole lot of folk were upset when “I Hate Valentine’s Day” came out or I Hate The Gym”… because it appealed to a broader niche.
But once again, it IS NOT a manifesto. It’s not “Mein Kampf” for the child-free or anything of that sort.
Thanks, though, for expressing your opinions, it is always good to see them and know every side of what readers feel.
Sincerely,
Adrianne Frost
Wow! I’m impressed that you responded. Thanks for your comments and clarification. I still think that a lot of your readers (based on some of the reviews of your book) sympathize with some of the views that you satirize, but I guess that comes with the territory. The NY Daily News article in particular focuses on many of those opinions.