On being a mother hen
Caleb, my oldest “baby,” went to sleep-away camp with a church group for the first time last week. They went to Alabama for four nights, which meant there was no way he could come home even if he wanted to.
Caleb is usually a pretty independent kid, so we were not too worried about him, but I guess he has become a little more dependent on us this year because of being home with me most of the time.
Caleb also is a bit of a “loner,” which means it can be difficult to fit in with the group when he is in a large group. He does well one-one-one with friends, but large groups are intimidating for him. This “loner” mentality meant he broke away from the pack to participate in a class that he liked during free time (the tech track, which taught him how to run sound and lights– his dad was so proud). He also spent a lot of time reading while the other boys in his cabin were busy planning pranks on the girls.
I should point out here that unbeknownst to me, this church group has a penchant for pulling pranks on each other (and the rest of the campers). If I had known that beforehand, there is no way I would have let him go to this camp with that group. My own youth group in high school was notorious for prank-pulling and general obnoxiousness at Siloam Springs before my dad laid down the law as their pastor, so I know a thing or two about being the uncomfortable odd-man-out in the middle of a fun-loving group.
Caleb spilled his guts about what all happened to him at camp before we pulled into the drive-way when we went to pick him up from the church on Thursday. His cabin mates filled his shoes with toothpaste (see above– he didn’t clean them out or wear them all week), spread mashed potatoes in his hair while he was sleeping, stole $20 from his bag, and called him “gay” when he wanted to take his tech class. One of the boys gave him a daily spanking for reading during free time.
I was appalled! Knowing, however, that 9 and 10-year-old boys will be boys, I was more appalled at the response of the male counselors in Caleb’s group. They told him “Prank pulling is just part of camp” and “Get over it.” That’s it. No tips on how to handle the other boys, no reprimand for the other boys, nothing.
Lannie and I cleaned out Caleb’s tennis shoes (between the two of us, it took about 2 hours and 2 washer/dryer cycles), and discussed whether or not to complain. We decided it wouldn’t really matter. This group has a deep-set mentality about pranks, and they’re not likely to change their minds by listening to us. Even though I think responsible adults should be protective of kids who don’t like to participate in this kind of thing, I can safely say that these aren’t responsible adults. We just decided to visit some other churches (we haven’t joined this one yet), and move on.
Lannie did mention that he thought my “mother hen” response was a little typical of a helicopter parent– you know, the kind that hovers over her children in case something bad happens. What do you think? Did I over-react? Would you have reacted the same way? What should I have done differently, and how can I give Caleb appropriate defense mechanisms so this doesn’t happen again?
Filed under: Caleb, Memphis, church, family, parenting on August 6th, 2008
Jennifer,
If you are a mother hen in this situation or a helicopter of any kind (hehe) then I in this situation would be considered the mother of all hens or a fleet of helicopters! I can not believe they acted that way, I know I am very protective of my kiddos but someone has to be now a days I think and they are our kids, if we don’t stand up for them who will?! I don’t think you were wrong at all. I think I would have said something-that is just wrong and mean. I guess I would think there should be more discipline and protection at a christian camp. I was really shocked by it all. If you figure out how to help him out next time in a situation like this let me know cause we deal with this with Alyssa because she is shy and not interested in all that stuff that little girls her age are and shouldn’t be yet so I am really protective of her doing things like that. I am sorry to hear he had to deal with that being gone to camp. I hope he will get to go some other time and that it will be a better experience for him next time. So sorry to hear that happened.
You go mamma hen! hehe
Jennifer,
This reflects very badly on the adults that had responsibility for other people’s children and on the church in general. Of course, kids will be kids. But there is a difference between harmless pranks and this kind of stuff. I want my kids to learn to be kind and loving toward others – you would think that church would be the one place where you could count on the children’s leaders to want the same thing! I say you mother hen your babies all you want (and peck someone’s eyes out if they mess with your chicks again!)
Cheryl
Thank you, Cheryl and Jill! It means a lot to me that you guys would react the same way.
I’m totally irritated for you. I have not parenting advice, but I always have advice for giving grown men a piece of my mind!!!!
Girl, I couldn’t even tell what the picture was that you posted before I read the story. Two shoes full of toothpaste would never be something that would just pop into my mind — ridiculous! As a mom of an 8 year-old, I would like to say that I am doing well to balance out being protective and giving independence (I swore I would be dragging my 18 year-old into the women’s bathroom with me when we went out anywhere, but I let go of that a while ago.)
I could see a squirt gun kind of prank or something like that being ‘appropriate’ in a setting like that, but not the stuff that you described. That’s hateful, and I hate to think that the church is raising a bunch of bullies.
I would vote with you guys and look elsewhere for a church home…I’ll be praying that you find one with more responsible adults and better leadership for the next generation.
This post made me so mad. I guess I am an overprotective Uncle because I feel like calling up this church and giving them a piece of my mind!
If it was Luke and this was my church, I would meet with whoever is in charge of supervising the adults who went to the camp (the youth minister or pastor?) and explain what happened. If they don’t care, that is their problem and you can shake the dust off your feet and move on. But, I think whomever is in charge of selecting the camp counselors needs to know this is taking place so they can at least make an informed decision (even if it continues to be a bad one.)
Thanks for being indignant for me (and Caleb), guys! He’s okay with not going back– now we just have to find another church that we like!
Jennifer,
I know how you feel. I took my 5 grand-children (ages 8-11) to our church youth camp in July. The pranks got out of hand. I don't mind water balloons,shaving cream… When we got home I found out that a counselor from another dorm had "towel whipped" the kids and some had bruises. I am very upset. My pastor will have a board meeting next Friday & bring these things up. I am requesting that this young man not be allowed back. We took 22 kids from our church 300 miles to this camp, but if things aren't changed, we won't return. As far as being a mother hen, my youngest daughter is 14 and I have been to camp with her for the last 4 years.I would not allow her to go if I am not there. Of course I "work" at the camp. I was the camp nurse for two years, worked in the kitchen next year and this year I was the "general flunky." I was a prayer warrior, shopper, kitchen helper, etc. So don't worry about being over protective. AS long as my kids go, Mom/Nana will volunteer to drive or whatever…Camps always need help..Take care…Phyliss
That’s a good point. Maybe I should go as a counselor next time they go! That way I could keep an eye on things. Thanks for the advice.